From Performance to Purpose: Freedom for Porn Addiction, Anxiety, and Shame

As a Christian therapist specializing in porn and sex addiction recovery in Fort Worth, TX, I often meet with men who are burdened by shame, fear, and the crushing social pressure to “perform”. Many of them have had traumatic experiences and adverse events in their lives that can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder, drug addiction, alcohol addiction, social suffering, psychological problems, or other behavioral addictions like gambling addiction. Within some of my therapy sessions, these strugglers are not just dealing with these traumatic experiences, but are also struggling with the ways they hurt their wives, wounded their family, and feel distance from God. However, performance is now everything in their daily lives, especially because their wives are really hurt. They must perform well to fix their marriage, family, relationships, or reputation. This often leads to isolation, loneliness, burnout, generalised anxiety disorder, alcohol abuse, or major depression. They're battling not only addiction, but also a deeply rooted performance-based identity that can cause mental health issues such as early use of drug leading to drug addiction. It can also reduce their ability to find social connection.

The pressure to get it right and fix everything becomes overwhelming, producing anxiety or even panic disorders. While there's value in working hard— God calls us to work diligently (2 Thess. 3:10-12, Colossians 3:23-24) many of my clients struggling with porn addiction can find themselves with anxiety symptoms like feeling burned out, isolated, and exhausted, believing their value depends on their performance thus leading to physical health problems.

Chariots of Fire & The Search for Worth

The movie Chariots of Fire illustrates two types of people. The movie is about two runners in the 1920's from England. The two famous runners are Harold Abrahams and Eric Liddell, who compete in the Olympics in Paris.

Harold Abrahams is a Jewish runner from Cambridge, and seeks to prove his worth through success. After losing to Liddell in the British Open, Abrahams falls into despair.

Later on in the movie, Abrahams trains and gets ready to race for England in the Paris Olympics. Before his race, he tells himself that he has “10 seconds to justify his existence. But will I?” Abrahams' life is based on how he performs. If he performs well, then his existence matters, but if he doesn't then he is worthless.

Whether you struggle with pornography, sex addiction, symptoms of anxiety, traumatic events, social anxiety disorder, complicated grief, symptoms of trauma, or mental disorders, we can all live like Abraham — desperate to justify our existence through achievement. But this way of life inevitably leads to shame, fear, isolation, exhaustion, and doubt in your worth.

Eric Liddell, the son of a Scottish missionary, lived differently. In a pivotal scene, Liddell tells his sister, “I believe God made me for a purpose — For China (to be a missionary there). He also made me fast. When I run, I feel his pleasure.” You see the pleasure of God on his face as he runs in various scenes.

Liddell's running wasn't about proving himself. It flowed from a deep relationship with God, not needing to earn God's favor or man's approval. When he is running, He feels the pleasure of God who created him to run. His existence is not justified the 10 seconds of how he performs. His identity and relationship with God remains secure regardless of his performance.

The Freedom of a Relational-Based Identity in Christ

Where in your life are you striving to “justify your existence”? Maybe it is your career, your marriage, your addiction recovery journey, or your anxiety. Maybe you are experiencing so much grief and are in need of a grief counselor. Many of us whether teens or adults, feel pressure to perform with deep feelings of anxiety.

At Reviving Hope Christian Counseling, our team of Christian therapists in Fort Worth specializes in many forms of therapy that help clients move from a performance-based existence to a relationship-based identity in Christ. We offer support for

• Porn and Sex Addiction Recovery: individual and support groups.

• Treatment for anxiety: separation anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, severe anxiety, generalized anxiety disorder, and other types of anxiety disorders.

• Trauma-focused therapy and Betrayal Trauma Recovery.

• Couples Counseling

• Grief Counseling and Teen therapy (Ages 13 and up)

The reason why we can enter into God's pleasure is because Jesus performed perfectly on our behalf. He is the true victor that has finished the race perfectly for us so that we don't have to chase a performance based existence. Like Liddel, we can enter into his rest (Matthew 11:28) and live for God's pleasure instead of trying to earn it, which often results in a low quality of life. Healing begins now!

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Begin your journey by finding your identity in God's pleasure — not your own performance. Explore our treatment services by connecting with a Christian therapist today.

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