In part one of Why do Addicts Lie, we discussed that porn and sex addicts often lie due to believing falsehoods about themselves, their relationships, and even their faith. These lies they believe affect the people they love, themselves, and their relationship with God if they have one. Another major reason pornography and sex addicts lie is fear—particularly the fear of others. This fear plays a powerful role in keeping them trapped in the cycle of secrecy and shame.

Fear of Others in Porn/Sex Addiction

Fear is a powerful emotion. It fuels many different reactions especially if we get a hint of what we fear the most. What we fear the most in life will have our undivided attention. For those struggling with porn addiction or sex addiction, one of the greatest fears is the fear of experiencing the displeasure of others. The thought of disappointing a loved one keeps them silent. Whether it is the displeasure of a spouse, friend, family, or even displeasure with self, they fear it. This displeasure keeps them from telling others for years about their struggle and makes them trade an honest life for a dishonest one that pleases others. Like Adam and Eve, many addicts sow fig leaves that hide their struggle out of fear of what could happen if they were truly vulnerable (Genesis 3:7). God is not fooled though, he sees all of you (Hebrews 4:14). There is a comfort in that even though he knows that you “will love the glory that comes from man…” he still loves you (John 12:43). Jesus experienced the worst kind of displeasure of others and the worst displeasure of his Father so that you don’t have to live in fear. Even though you are going to displease others in this life through your sin or even doing the right thing, Jesus has given you his righteous life, the Father enjoys you, and the Spirit can empower you to not be controlled by the fear of displeasure. If you struggle with pornography, addiction, compulsive sexual behavior, or betrayal trauma, you are not alone and Jesus can give you freedom.

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