If you have spent any time understanding porn addiction, then quickly you will find out that addicts are dishonest and deceptive. Honestly, they are very good at lying especially about their sexual behavior. One of the most challenging aspects of their recovery journey is replacing deception with honesty during addiction recovery. Addictive behavior and deception are connected making it hard to overcome them. One of the hardest things to deal with as a spouse with betrayal trauma is to discern lies from truthfulness. This series hopes to understand lying and addiction as it is a huge part of recovery for any struggling sex addict as well as a the pain of a struggling spouse.

How Believing Lies Leads to Lying?

Porn Addicts struggle with lying because they believe in lies. Some of the lies are: I am loved based on how I perform, I am not responsible for my choices, I can fix myself, I know what is best for my life, this behavior doesn’t hurt anyone, what I am doing is not a problem, my desires are always good for me, my feelings or thoughts are always accurate, I love people well and never fail to love them, they are not giving me what I need and that is why I am struggling, I have a right to get relief from this emotion, I am not allowed to fail, I have a lot of trauma in my story and so I can’t be held responsible for decisions/behavior, etc. Normally, struggling addicts are deceived so deeply that it is hard for them to be clear about the lies they believe. However, they are living those lies out. As you can see, these lies of belief cause someone to protect them. For example, if you are loved based on your performance, you might minimize standards to look good (lie to self/others) or hide by lying to show others you are performing well. This is why a big part of recovery from porn/sex addiction is separating false beliefs from truthful ones. In order to see progress in recovery, there must be honesty in recovery.

How Believing Lies Lead to Trickle Truths?

When it comes to sexual addiction, one of the biggest issues is honesty in recovery. This is why many men battling pornography addiction often reveal partial truths, driven by the anxiety about disclosure of their relapse. One of the common lies addicts believe is that living a honest life will cost them their marriage more than hiding. They strongly fear losing their wife if they confess, which could happen. Yet, the cost of living dishonestly only deepens their addiction to pornography. A trickle truth is only sharing a small part of the addictive behavior instead of the full truth of it. Usually it is due to fear of the outcome. This results in further distrust and deep emotional pain by the wife when a full disclosure is giving due to all the trickle truths being uncovered. This distressing discovery of deeper deception amplifies her sense of sexual betrayal within the marriage relationship. One piece of advice that I have is to conduct a full disclosure with the guidance of a trained professional or an experienced individual. This will spare the marriage relationship from a much deeper painful experience.

Healing through a Honest life

From a Christian perspective, we worship a God who not only deeply cares about truth (Exodus 20:16), but also is Truth (John 14:16). To overcome deception and live a truthful life, you need the person of all Truth (Jesus) to save us from the lies we believe, free us from deception, and change us to live truthful lives through his faithful presence. This will undoubtedly mean that we need Jesus to use others to help us distinguish truth from falsehood. This healing journey takes a period of time and guidance through wise accountability partners. Truth and honesty in addiction recovery is an essential step to recovery. We need Jesus and others to help us live honest lives that are not distorted by deception due to the lies we believe.

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Begin your journey of living a honest life instead of a deceptive one by clicking the button below to schedule a session or phone call.

For the betrayed partner, let someone enter into your pain who knows about it by clicking the button below to connect with one of our Christian therapist.