He Tried Everything to Quit Porn—But Failed

As a certified sex addiction therapist who practices faith-based therapy in Fort Worth, I once sat down for individual therapy with Jerry (this story is a composite of several clients, with names and details changed to protect privacy), who has struggled with compulsive sexual behavior throughout his young adult life. Despite participating in a sex addiction treatment program that included individual therapy, support groups, family and couples therapy, and self-education over the past four months, Jerry continued to relapse into pornography use twice a week and feels burdened by intense feelings of shame. During our session, Jerry expressed his frustration: "Look, I know it hurts my wife, God, and myself. I understand I have relationship issues with others. I've made progress in confession with you, and we've created a treatment plan for my pornography addiction that includes coping mechanisms, Covenant Eyes, Sex Addicts Anonymous, and trauma therapy that addresses with my sexual trauma. I've been using accountability software since we started meeting, yet I still struggle. What’s wrong with me?" How would you guide Jerry in addressing his compulsive behavior? Would you suggest he doesn’t fully grasp the consequences of his actions because he persists in them? Would you encourage him to focus more on the emotional pain caused by his pornography issues? Or could it be that emphasizing the pain of addiction—whether related to substance abuse or pornography—fails to address the underlying issues?

Pain Avoidance in Porn Addiction Recovery

Many individuals struggling with sex addiction issues—unless in denial—are aware of how their internet pornography negatively impacts their personal lives causing mental health problems. They can spend more time in the fantasy world instead of tending to their responsibilities. As a Christian counselor specializing in porn addiction, I rarely need to persuade them of the negative consequences—be it financial, psychiatric disorders, relational, emotional dysregulation, legal consequences, destructive behaviors, sexually transmitted diseases, mental disorders, substance use disorder, professional life issues, or spiritual—that their addiction incurs. Most have become so cognizant of these repercussions that they're willing to endure the discomfort of attending porn addiction counseling, sexual trauma therapy, or worse, try to keep it a hidden struggle—which create additional relationship trauma and social isolation. They often fall into the mindset that overcoming internet pornography addiction and achieving personal growth means concentrating only on simply avoiding its negative consequences. In essence, their entire path of growth hinges on preventing future pain from the addictive behavior. However, the issue lies in the fact that despite this awareness, many addicts are unable to stop their addictive behaviors. The deep pain of sex addiction may propel them toward counseling, support groups, group therapy, or bible studies, but for how long can pain avoidance truly sustain recovery? Can a fulfilling life be built solely on sidestepping pain?

The Pleasure of Pornography and Sex Addiction

Focusing solely on avoiding pain in tackling internet porn addiction overlooks a crucial perspective that leads to long-term recovery. The Bible offers an alternative view, highlighting that: "For we ourselves once were foolish, ignorant, led astray, slaves of various passions and pleasures…" (Titus 3:3). This viewpoint underscores that the lure into addictive behaviors and subsequent enslavement is tied to the pleasure it provides (James 1:14). Even though this pleasure is temporary (Hebrews 11:25) and followed by painful consequences, it still remains enticing. To effectively combat the grip of addictive behaviors and sexual sin in daily life, it's essential to address the allure it holds. For sex addiction to lose its hold, the initial pleasure must lose its appeal. It is the only way to cultivate healthy relationships and a happy life.

Finding Freedom: A More Joyful Life of Fulfillment In Christ

The only way a person struggling with sex addicted person can see their pornography as less appealing and let go of it is by grabbing onto a more joyful life of fulfillment. That life must be truly fulfilling. In The Weight of Glory, C.S Lewis writes,

"We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." 

Lewis is describes that Jesus didn't just come to save us from the ultimate consequences of sin, but he came that we may "have life and have it abundantly" through our union and communion with Him (John 10:10). Outside of spiritual disciplines, God's creation offers many avenues to find deep pleasurable connection with Him. As addicts embark on their healing journey, they often find a more joyful and fulfilling life as they enter into the recovery process, making it easier to endure the challenges of recovery. Thus a joyful life motivates them in everyday life to suffer against the sex addiction. So, what are some of your God-given passions or dreams? How has God gifted you and where do you find deep connection with God through creation? Where are the God given deep friendships in your life that are refreshing? The answers to these questions could be the key to lasting freedom from pornography addiction leading to deep relationships and spiritual restoration. A more joyful life in Christ loosens the grip of porn addiction over time and forms deep relationships. A recovery journey that gets past this difficult time must deal with the pleasure of pornography in order to accomplish personal growth, healthy connection, and move past emotional distress.

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Begin your journey of healing from porn addiction with a sex addiction counselor in Fort Worth and regaining a joyful life. Sex addiction causes social isolation and relationship trauma. You can find freedom through therapeutic work in Fort Worth by clicking the button below to schedule a phone call to explore individual counseling or couples therapy for your mental health.

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