Every person struggling with unwanted sexual behavior has uncontrolled anger. Most of them do not know that anger is effecting their personal relationships. The goal in recovery from porn addiction is to not take away their anger entirely, but for them to get channel it toward injustice in the right way--for the right purpose--and express it in godly ways. To heal from your sexual behaviors, you must heal the roots of your aggressive anger.

What is Anger?

Oftentimes, when we picture anger, we think of someone unhinged with high levels of anger. However, you can be just as angry while shutting down and not exploding. There are also forms of low-level anger: frustration, annoyance, irritability, pettiness, ect. In order for anger to encompass all of these forms of it, it has to be defined as "perceived injustice".

Since it is perceived injustice, that perception can be accurate or inaccurate. This can be displayed in a number of facets in someone's daily life. The truth of the matter is that we are all angry about something. Let me give some examples.

Sinful Anger

If I perceive that it is unjust to ever feel inconvenienced, then my unrealistic expectation is that people should never inconvenience me. This situation deep down displays that I am king and others are not. It even might cause me to react in angry outbursts or cause me enter into a slow shimmer.

The slow simmer can lead to bitterness or resentment, which are just as devastating as angry outbursts. Either way, this is selfish ungodly anger (Psalm 37:8; Ephesians 4:31). It is the same type of anger similar to Satan who "...is powling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8).

This kind of anger shows a loss of control that doesn't possess any redemptive purposes to it. You become so control by your desires that you loose your executive function. There is a true madness to this type of anger that leads to all types of behavior--compulsive behavior, behavioral addiction, sexual behaviors, pornographic content or substance use disorders.

Godly Anger

Jesus overturned tables because the temple had become a "den of thieves" instead of "house of prayer" (Matthew 21:12-13). Jesus was angry at the injustice of the poor being exploited by religious leaders. Worship was open for all no matter how poor or rich. Godly anger loves others, honors God, and restores what is broken by sin.

Another example is Jesus' anger when he saw a man with a withered hand (Mark 1:41). Jesus heals the man's hand, but he was angry at his sickness. The fall had caused a world where sickness and death inflicted suffering on God's people. Being angry at what sin had done, Jesus heals this man in compassion. Though this man committed no sin we are aware of, the fall brought forth suffering. Jesus was angry about what the fall had done and loved this man by healing him.

Even in instances where a person has sinned and it has brought forth suffering we are to love the sinner. Love has many lenses though so it doesn't have to be absent from consequences or boundaries. The phrase "hate the sin, not the sinner" is a great guide (Ephesian 4:26; Romans 7:24).

For research on the difference between godly anger and ungodly anger, David Powlinson's book Good and Angry is really good.

Connection between Lust and Anger

The Bible displays how lust and anger are connected. Wherever lust is lurking, anger is nearby. Lust is an over-desire for something good. When over-desires is blocked, anger lashes out. James 4:1-3 captures this:

"What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions."

Not all passion is wrong. God is passionate for his justice, creation and his people. But misordered loves lead to destructive anger (See Augustine for interest in the "order of loves").

Why Porn addiction and Anger go together?

Consumption of pornography and anger go together. I have never worked with someone who is struggling sexual behavior and who doesn't struggle with anger. Anger is one of the signs of porn addiction. Lust over-desire and when those desires are not met, angry shows up (James 4:3). This can manifest itself into addictive behaviors through pornographic material due to not getting your lust met. This can cause loss of control since they are so controlled by their lust for online pornography. It can also destroy someone's healthy relationships due to verbal abuse or sexual abuse.

Loss of control can be one of the number of reasons why someone gets angry when things don't go their way. Again it doesn't have other be explosive anger. It can be the slow simmer or shutting down displayed through passive aggressive comments, closing yourself off, or slowly being indifferent to everyone. The consumption of pornography can be enticing because you feel in control when you are angry you are not, yet you end up being controlled by pornography addiction.

Addiction to Pornography and Anger at Self

One of the effects of sexual addiction other than being addicted to pornographic material is a deep struggle with anger. It makes sense that since you have lost control with this sexual addiction through your sexual compulsivity that you are losing control with other areas in your life like anger. This is why sexual addiction not takes your sobriety, but also destroys your relationships, quality of life, and even your physical health due to anger and sexual compulsivity.

One of the biggest targets of someone's anger who is struggling with an addiction to pornography is their anger at themselves. This hatred of self happens due to their moral incongruence--a deep gap between what they believe and what they do. Being a person struggling with sexual content and yet knowing it is wrong is an example of moral incongruence.

The shame of addiction to pornography causes them to hate themselves due to all the pain they have caused. They think they are defective not worthy of love due to this problematic behavior. This isn't how Jesus thought of the women at the well though in John 4. He didn't hate her, he loved her.

The Christ of Loving Anger

Jesus does not hate you or see you solely as someone who is only struggling with addiction to pornography. He doesn't not define you by your past sin of anger or sexual behaviours since you have been raised in Christ (Ephesians 1; 1 Peter 1:3-6). He even hates what this sin is doing to you and yet pursues you.

What would it look like to let Christ order your anger--to feel it to the right degree, for the right purpose, in the right way? What would it look like to experience his love through for you through his people?

Don't let your sexual behaviours and the effects of pornography addiction keep you from the greatest love that can truly change you! Don't live a lie as it lets the struggle win!

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Begin the recovery process break the cycle of addiction from Porn addiction with a licensed therapist in Fort Worth. Find freedom from pornography consumption by not being controlled by your sex addiction. There is freedom from anger and pornography addiction. Schedule a phone call to explore individual with a Christian Mental Health professional.

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