Why You Can't Heal if You're Obsessed with Healing

As a firm that offers Christian counseling in Fort Worth, we see many people who have mental health issues whether in individual counseling, couples counseling, or support groups. Whether it is porn addiction, anxiety, trauma, or grief, all our clients want to heal. But sometimes, in their desperation, they can become so obsessed with healing that it actually gets in the way of true transformation. It is understandable as this issue is greatly hurting their lives.

They may have been diagnosed due to the issue being severe—anxiety disorder, panic disorder, panic attack, obsessive compulsive disorder, social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, substance abuse, separation anxiety disorder, or posttraumatic stress disorder. These hardships can affect someone's mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

When it comes to Christian counseling, how are we to think about becoming too obsessed with our struggles? This blog explores how an over-fixation on trying to fix ourselves can actually hurt your healing.

When Healing Becomes an Idol

Oftentimes, I work with men who are laser-focused on their deepest struggle like behavioral addiction. The desire to make things right is good, but sometimes it crosses the line. Sometimes they are in a spiritual crisis as they think, "How could I do this to people I love?"

For example, if they struggle with substance abuse or porn use, recovery can be a checklist: individual therapy, support group, group therapy, relationship counselor, porn blocking software, and daily calls to a sponsor as their treatment plan. They may be doing all the right things, but for the wrong reasons.

These men often analyze every single trigger as they are trying to perform well. They lack emotional regulation, amplified by the pressure to perform and this can lead to panic attacks. This is understandable performance anxiety, as their wife and loved ones are in pain from their porn addiction or substance use disorder.

Granted, some triggers are worth thinking about, but does every single one need to be picked apart?

Behavioral Therapy, Cognitive Therapy, and Therapeutic Methods: Curving in on Self

When healing becomes your obsession, even your therapy can make matters worse. Secular methods like behavioral therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, psychological therapy, or other counseling practices can offer tools--but without a vision of what it means to be fully human in God's image, these methods can encourage you to get stuck in your own head. Christian counseling provides a Godward vision of self; secular methods do not.

One of Augustine's characterizations of sin is the concept of incurvatus in se, a Latin term meaning "a turning inward on oneself." When mental health professionals use secular methods, it can encourage people to look inward all the time. They might unintentionally encourage a self-centered type of therapy that curves in on themselves, thus hurting their spiritual formation in Christ. We, as therapists, need to consider if we are encouraging a self-centered type of person.

Self-discovery is a good thing, but if you are always looking into yourself through various treatment options, then you can get lost in yourself, ultimately hurting your mental health. At what point does self-focus lead to a self-centered person? How might constantly focusing on your struggles display your true spiritual beliefs that have gone amok?

Under-Focus: Lacking Self Reflection

In the same way that you can focus too deeply on yourself, you can also be a person who never reflects on your life. Biblical Counseling reveals that there are many characters who would reflect on their lives. Some biblical characters understood the specifics of their sin and how it hurt God and others (Psalm 51:4). If you are never reflecting on your life, then you are just coasting (Ephesians 4:14).

Many of my guys struggling with internet porn are just coasting. Porn addiction keeps you from reflecting on your life because if you reflect on it, then you know that you have to change. Pornography addiction wants to keep you stuck in porn sites and hiding from others so that you do not become the man God wants you to be.

Christian Counseling and Secular Methods: Broadening the Lens

Secular therapy models do not offer a Godward perspective. God wants your reflection of self to be focused on Him, leading to deeper faith and love--not one that leads to a self-centered preoccupation (Galatians 5:6). We are to get out of our tendencies towards selfish self-focus in order to love others and God (John 13:34-35).

This is why God calls us as Christians to serve in the local church--to love Him and others--because it is so easy to be curved in on self. Spiritual maturity is seen when someone realizes that life isn't about themselves and their issues, but about loving God and others.

Jesus doesn't view you as someone who is defined by your biggest struggle and doesn't want you to get lost in yourself. He wants to guide you into godly reflection, and He has provided His people who know Him to assist. Even if you struggle with compulsive sexual behavior, porn use, or an anxiety disorder, God can still use you to care for others (Philippians 1:27). After all, He calls you to die to self and follow Him (Matthew 16:24).

It might be when you start getting out of your analytical self-focus that you might see growth as you focus on faith and loving others around you.

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