You Were Made for Connection: Healing from Addiction, Trauma, and Isolation

One question that I ask clients when they share about something really hard is “Who else is walking with you during this hard circumstance in your life?”

The saddest answer I often hear is, "No one else knows".

I am not advocating for oversharing, but if your closest friends in your have no idea about your deepest struggles, then what does that say about your relationships? Life is incredibly tough to navigate alone, especially when you're facing porn addiction, sex addiction, trauma, or relational wounds.

There is nothing more beautiful in life than to be fully known and yet fully loved.

Connection Is Essential For Healing

Every person who shows up in my office—whether they consider themselves spiritually or not— deeply long for connection. We were created for relationship and yet addiction, trauma and shame often pull us into isolation. One of the joys of being a Christian counselor is connecting with people who have never connected with anyone in their lives. Connection is of vital importance when it comes to people’s healing, especially in therapy. We have all had periods of our lives where we felt alone or disconnected and oftentimes our struggles get worse. When we are isolated, our struggle grows louder. Our shame deepens, but when we risk connection, we begin to heal.

Being made in the image of God, we can’t stop longing to connect with others and one of the biggest consequences of the fall is broken relationships (Genesis 1:27; Ephes. 2:14-19). But the gospel bring restoration not just with our relationship with God, but also in our relationships with other people.

Addiction Is Often a Cry for Connection

Many people struggling with porn and sex addiction long for intimacy but do not realize it. Johann Hari’s TED Talk in 2015 gets at this when the last thing he said was that “The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection”.

Like Adam and Eve in the garden, porn & sex addiction (or any addiction) causes us to hide, disconnect, lie, and try to fix ourselves in isolation (Genesis 3:7-13). But isolation only leads to deeper pain. You were made not to fight this battle alone.

The beauty of the gospel is that Jesus doesn't wait until for us to have it all together. He knew you would struggle with addiction and yet He wasn’t going to let it keep Him from connection with you! In being united to Him, he also unites you to His Spirit-filled people to help you grow as they seek growth for their deep issues as well. This is why Dietrich Bonhoeffer in his book Life Together wrote, “The Christ in his own heart is weaker than the Christ in the word of his brother; his own heart is uncertain, his brother’s is sure.”

You Don't Have to Stay Isolated

You were made for connection—with God and with others. Whether you're wresting with porn addiction, sex addiction, trauma, or simply feeling stuck in life, healing starts by reaching out.

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