As a Christian counselor in Fort Worth, I enjoy entering into other people's struggles. I learn a lot from the people I see even if they are struggling with pornography addiction or other sexual behaviors. In a session, I asked Tim (fake name), “What are you trying to get from this pornographic material?” Tim paused for a moment to think about it and responded, “I think I go to it because porn has been safer than people. I have been hurt by people and porn can feel safer than intimacy with others.” Of course, Tim and I were able to discuss how porn doesn’t provide safety even though it promises it, but Tim was onto something powerful.

The Cost of Safety

It is no surprise that Tim’s story was littered with hurtful people and trauma leading to low quality of life. One of the effects of trauma in someone's life is they have a tendency to isolate causing various relationship issues to their daily life. Due to this isolation, Tim cut himself off from relationships with others out of fear of being hurt thus furthering his pornography addiction and compulsive behavior. In doing so, he became vulnerable to online pornography since it offered false intimacy and false safety. However, knowing love in your life has a price of vulnerability and it’s uncomfortable. Yes, people can hurt you like Tim and that’s why finding trustworthy people is important. There is a cost to playing it safe though. The cost of safety is never knowing love in personal relationships as you are deceptive. C.S. Lewis explains it profoundly when he writes,

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

In other words, you might not be avoiding vulnerability through addiction to pornography but maybe you are avoiding it through something else. Whatever it is, you are thwarting love in your life and inviting relationship struggles because to be loved and to love is to be vulnerable. Yes, you can get hurt, but the price of safety is equally as dangerous.

I get that vulnerability is scary, but you don’t have to go at it alone. Jesus was as vulnerable as it gets as he died naked on the cross. He knows what it is like to be betrayed, shamed, and broken by hurtful people. He knows what it is like to share his heart with us only to have us break it and yet he joyously still seeks us. His love (unlike porn) is secure, goes before us, meets us in our hard circumstances, lifts us, never wavers, and has no end. Maybe you should give him a chance to love you through others who are trustworthy and desire good for you.

What we Offer

At Reviving Hope Christian Counseling, our team of professional counselors in Fort Worth specialize in many forms of therapy that help clients move from fear of other to find deep relationships in Christ. We offer support for

• Porn and Sex Addiction Recovery: This can also mean just struggling with sexual behaviours or any other behavioral addictions.

• Treatment for separation anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, severe anxiety, generalized anxiety disorder, and other types of anxiety disorders

• Trauma-focused therapy: Maybe you are a victim of sexual abuse or other trauma.

• Couples Counseling and Betrayal Trauma Recovery for finding a healthy relationship.

• Grief Counseling: Teen counseling (Ages 13 and up).

Click below to schedule a call with on of our mental health professionals who is a Christian counselor to begin your journey of connecting with others, God, and yourself. Give a Christian worldview a chance, but if not we are happy to enter into your story! We offer therapy to adults and teen counseling (13 and up) in person or Telehealth.

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