Does God Accept Me As I Am—or Does He Want Me to Change?

In an age dominated by digital media, porn addiction is rising at an alarming rate. Promiscuity is everywhere, especially in the advertising industry. As a Christian porn and sex addiction counselor in Fort Worth, I frequently hear various things from Christians struggling with compulsive sexual behavior.

Some clients battling internet sex addiction will say, “I know that I am totally accepted by God.” Others will say, “I know God calls me to change, but I keep struggling with internet pornography.”

Whether you struggle with sexual addiction, recreational drugs, sexual trauma, substance abuse, anxiety, grief, or other mental disorders, all of us are trying to answer this essential question: Am I totally accepted by God, or does He just call me to change?

Christian Counseling: Totally Accepted

The guys I see who struggle with internet porn addiction are always wrestling with how God views them. Sex addiction issues are painful—when it comes to recovery and dealing with the hurt you have caused, many find comfort in the belief that God totally accepts them. But this leads to a crucial question: Does God totally accept us as we are, and where do we find that in Scripture?

There are many passages of Scripture that share about Jesus’s acceptance of sinners.

• “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1)

• The story of Zacchaeus the tax collector who Jesus called out to in order to stay at his house. Jesus was looked down upon for being with “a sinner” (Luke 19:1-10)

• “And as Jesus reclined at table in the house, behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and were reclining with Jesus and his disciples.” (Matthew 9:10)

So far, we see that Jesus accepts sinners. However, Jesus also calls people to change—and He even celebrates Zacchaeus changing.

Christian Counseling: Jesus Calls Us to Change

Other guys that I see who struggle with recreational drugs, fantasy-world escape, or pornographic material know that God calls them to change. If they do not experience personal and spiritual growth—whether substance abuse or porn addiction—then they know their loved ones will continue to suffer.

Yet, we are told that a loving God totally accepts you as you are and so should others.

But does Jesus totally accept all of us—even the parts that are hurting others or are broken?

• Jesus tells us in the gospel of Mark to “repent and believe the gospel” (Mark 1:15). Repentance means turning away from sin and toward Jesus. When we sin, we are turning toward something else other than God.

•  When the Pharisees questioned Jesus for eating with “sinners” His response was, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.” (Luke 5:31-32) Certainly the Pharisees were sinners as well, but the point is Jesus is eating with sinners out of love for them and wanting them to change. Thus He says “repentance” and “physician,” displaying that He doesn’t want them to stay in their sinful patterns.

•  “Strive for peace with everyone, and for holiness without which no one will see the Lord.” (Hebrews 12:14) People are to live holy lives on earth, even though they are not perfect, which shows that they know the Lord. A life of saying you know Jesus but blatantly disobeying His word and commands does not reflect the marks of someone who knows the Lord in the book of 1 John.

And there is much more—I haven’t mentioned the Sermon on the Mount that calls a variety of people to change or the household codes in the epistles.

One thing I want to be very clear on. Notice that I am not saying that these passages say, “Be obedient and you will earn God.” What I am saying is that if you know Jesus, you will strive and grow in a more obedient life to Him over time.

Christian Counseling: God Accepts You, but He Wants You to Change

Porn addiction has taken so much from the men I work with, causing a variety of issues: psychiatric disorders, sexually transmitted diseases, sexually based issues, or mental health problems.

My guys who are experiencing such emotional dysregulation over what internet pornography has done to those they love need Jesus who loves them in both ways.

For some of them, if Jesus just accepts them as they are and doesn’t care about changing them, then is He all that loving—because their lives are in so much pain right now? They need to change their porn addiction, and they know it is ruining their lives. Like all of us, these guys can talk about change but never put in the effort to change. They need to adhere to the biblical commands to “strive”, “work,” and “repent” so that God can work in them and through them. At the bare minimum, they should be doing the spiritual disciplines in the Christian life, but they also need communal help through their church, a Sex Addicts Anonymous group, or another support group.

Conversely, if Jesus is someone who just hammers you with how you should change, then that leads to someone who is in despair—or someone who is working themselves to the bone as they struggle against porn addiction. They usually are restless, and they never enter into the rest of Christ that loves you (Matthew 11:28-30).

Some of my guys are exhausted as they have overcommitted to their fight against internet sex, and it is making them worse. I have had some guys see a mental health professional for cognitive behavioral therapy once a week, attend a weekly sex anonymous support group, read recovery books, meet with a sponsor weekly, download accountability software, engage in nightly conversations with their wife, and try to maintain a job. They usually do worse in their fight against sexual addiction since they have made performing well in recovery their identity.

Final Thoughts

We are not so different from my guys struggling with sexual addiction. All of us are addicted to sin in some way, and we are on the journey of trying to change. We all want a Savior who not only loves us where we are, but also calls us to change. Whether sin done to us that is still affecting us or sin we are committing, all of us need to change. We want loving friends to call us to change instead of totally accepting what is causing our misery. We also want friends to be with us when we are struggling. The beautiful joy of being a counselor is that I get to sit across from people and bear witness to Jesus changing their lives.

For those of you who are struggling with compulsive sexual behavior, the Christian life is one of struggle. Struggle shows that you are fighting the “good fight,” (1 Timothy 6:12) and most certainly, there are times you might have despaired of all hope for change—maybe you have called it quits. It is time to get back at it and strive, as Jesus does not view you as hopeless nor does He despair of you! He promises to transform you and will do it (Philippians 1:6; 1 John 3:2)!

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